Da Bebop
by Twisted Discourse
Summary: The mayhem concludes in this final parody of the Real Folk Blues session.
1. Intro

Disclaimer: I do not own the messed up characters of Cowboy Bebop, so please don't sue me!

**Da Bebop**

_(Narrator): It's a quiet day in early April. A delicate rose falls to the moist ground. A tall green-haired man by the name of Spike Spiegel is shown in a distance. He is leaning against the wall while beginning to smoke a cigarette. He lights the cigarette. He breathes in the smoke. He breathes out the smo- _

"Will you please shut the fuck up!" Spike demanded.

Just then Spike received a call on his cell-phone. "Hello?" Spike answered "Spike, this is Jet. I need you to get your fro-havin', lazy ass down here!" "Hello?" Spike asked slightly irratated. "I said get your fro having, lazy...you know what just come over to Da Bebop!" "Grr, hello?" Spike asked again.

"Can you hear me now?" "Not really." Spike stated. "What about now?" "Yes, I can hear you." "Good." Jet was pleased. "...What about now?" "Yes, you dumb fuck!" Spike yelled. "All right Mr. Tight-Ass, meet me in the Bebop." CLICK.

_(Narrator): With that word Spike hopped his tight-ass into his ship, the Swordfish II . Then stuck his key into the ignition, but the ship refused to start. So he put it in again and then took it out. Then he put it- _

"Excuse me, didn't I tell you to shut the hell up?! Hmm, what's wrong with this piece of crap?" Spike questioned curiously as he kicked the ship. VROOM. "There, it works better when I kick it."

"Spike man, where ya been? I've been waitin' forever."

"Sorry, Jet, I stopped at Burger Ding."

"Oh, did cha get me a burger?!" Jet exclaimed.

"Um, you didn't ask for one."

"Fine, be a little selfish biatch. Anyway, we have a new bounty. Some chick named Faye Valentine." "And?" Spike questioned.

"And what?"

"Is she hott?"

" I don't know, do ya like hookers?"

"It depends, what kind of-"

"Spike, let's just do our damn job!"

"Okay, so what do we got?" Spike asked as he looked into a monitor.

"We got a caucasian woman, bout' five foot six. She's twenty-three years old and has green eyes with...Spike what are you doing? Are you drooling?"

"What, no ofcourse not. Don't be so ridiculous!"

"Sure...anyway she has black hair. This chick shouldn't be too hard to spot considering she has the biggest-"

"Alrighty, Jet, are we gonna dipse or what?"

"...Dipse...what the hell is dispe? Jet questioned." "N-never mind..." Spike replied.

Spike reached a gambling casino in Venus. When he saw a woman in yellow lying on cardboard placed on the ground.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"Huh, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Spike Spiegel and your worst nightmare. How are you doing today?"

"Fuck off, I'm not a hooker!"

"Your not...I mean...I am actually here for another purpose."

"Look, I don't care what you want, who you are, or how big it is."

"Okay, wait a minute...what was that last part?"

"What, I didn't say anything. God, the sexual tension is killing me...do you have a cigarette?"

"Yeah, wait a minute...what?!"

"A cigarette, what are you death?"

"No. I'm actually blind in one of my eyes; cause one of them is fake." Spike responded. "I don't give a damn about your eye pain in the ass! Just give me a cigarette, okay?" The woman retorted. Spike then gave her the cigarette she so desired.

"So, what brings you to this casino?" The woman questioned.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Oh, who are you looking for?"

"You..."

"What, is that supposed to be a pick-up line or something?"

"No, I'm looking for a Faye Valentine and I think you're her. So let's start this over shall we?" Spike then quickly pointed his gun at her fore head. "...I see..." Faye hesitated. "Nice to meet you Faye. I hope the feeling is mutual."

Authors Note: I must have changed this story atleast twice so please feel free to tell me what you think.


	2. What a Dogg

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Cowboy Bebop.

_(Narrator)_:_ When we last left Da Bebop crew, Spike and Faye met eachother near a gambling casino. Now, Spike and Faye are walking near a yellow couch inside Da Bebop. Faye sits down on the couch. Faye crosses her legs on the cou- _

"Um, Spike, what the hell is that voice?" Faye asked. "Oh, I just tell it to shut up and it does. It's like my personal bitch." "Uh, okay..."

_Faye lights a cigarette. Faye puffs on the cigarette. _

"Shut up!" Spike and Faye screamed in unison.

_Sorry_...

"There you are?" Jet said. "I've been waitin' a long time again...what were you guys doin' that took so long?" "N-nothing of any importance." Spike responded.

"Alrighty, cause we got a bounty and a huge one at that!" "Sounds interesting, but what are we gonna do about this small fry?" Spike whispered. "Handcuff her to my bed...I mean the ship. We'll deal with her later." Jet quietly replied.

_(Narrator)_: _And so, Spike did just that_.

"Jackasses! I can't believe their just going to leave me here like this." Fortunately for her, she has a lock pick and proceeded to pick the lock on the handcuffs. "There, that should do it. Hm, I wonder if they got any money around here?" Faye then proceeded to search for any money (or lack there of) present on the ship. She found some money hidden under Jet's bed but it was only enough to buy her gas money for her ship, the Red Tail. "Well, time to dipse!"

_(Narrator)_: _In the meanwhile our pathetic excuse for heroes are searching for the next bounty_. _A man named_..._oh, who gives a shit about what his name is?_ _Spike looks for the drug addict and winds up with a dog (blah, blah, blah)_.

"Aw, Spike, look at the cute little doggie! Can we keep him?" Jet exclaimed (in his the most feminine voice ever).

"You know I hate dogs, kids and lesbians."

"Yeah, but look at it's face. It's just so cute." Indeed, the dog was cute. The colors of its fur are light brown and white. It has stubby little legs and pointed ears that stand erect on its head.

"Spike, please let me keep her. I'll take good care of her." Jet pleaded.

"Okay, you can keep her...so what are you gonna call the little mutt anyway?"

"Let's call her...Ein."

"Ein, what the hell kind a name is that?" "Hey, watch it tight-ass! It was my grandma's name." "Fine, let's just get outta here."

Spike and Jet arrived at Da Bebop and not at all happy with what they found. They found that the whole ship was ransacked. "That whore, she just took the money and left!" Jet yelled angrily. "She'll be back." Spike stated confidentially. "Why do ya say that?" Jet questioned.

"Cause I got her panties."

Author's Note: Well, I hope to get some ideas from you guys on what my next chapter should be. By the way, dipse means bounce.


	3. Sing Along

Tanaya Rivers

Disclaimer: You know I don't own Cowboy Bebop, nor "My Boo", nor "Wheels on the Bus". Neither do I endorse Vicodin or vasoline...don't ask...

_(Narrator)_: _Previously, viewers met up with Spike, Jet, Faye and Ein_..._hmm someone seems to be missing_.

"Jet, there's no food in the fridge. Well, cept this spoiled milk." Spike complained. "Well, I don't see you pushin' your wait around here. Why don't you start makin' some money to get us some food?" Jet retorted.

"Why don't YOU start checking that computer of your's for some bounty?" Jet did just that. "Seems we have got ourselves a bounty. She's bout' 5'2'' and her hair is redder than my ass."

"Too much info given. Anyway, who is this chick?"

"Goes by the name of...oh well the name is too freakin' long. Let's just call here Ed."

"Great, I was part of a freakin' mafia a couple of years ago now I'm going after a demented kid."

"Hey, that's not very cool...being in mafia...that's not cool." Jet disagreed.

"Whatever, Jet, I'm leavin'."

Spike Spiegel arrived on Earth (or half of it anyway) very distraught at what he might find in this miserable world. The whole plant seemed to be engulfed in sorrow and unanswered prays. And for the worse part, Spike seemed to be the only one. Alone.

"Hello? Is anybody out there...anybody out there?" ... "Haha, I can here my echo...echo. Jet rubs his ass with vasoline...vasoline. Haha!"

"Um, Excuse me Mister?" Someone was behind him now. Someone pulling on his pants. So Spike turned around only to find that there's no one there.

"Am I hearing things?" "Nope, it was me!" A cheerful voice answered. "Huh?" Spike replied.

"Take a looky down!"

"Hey, it's you! Edward...blah blah blah." "Yeah my name is EDWARD!"

"Sheesh, do you have to scream like that? What are you on Vicodin or something?"

"Vico-din...noooo...no Vico-din. Not today!"

"Uh, come on kid let's go."

"Ohhhh, where are we going? Are we going on a field trip?"

"Yeah...sure...a field trip."

"To see horsies, giraffies and dolphies?"

"Huh, look I'm serious...stop sniffing whiteout!"

"Ed no sniff whiteout. Ed sniff glue!"

"Well, that explains alot. Now, let's go."

Ed singing...poorly:

_**Ohhhh,the wheels on the bus go round-n-round**_

_**Round-n-round...round-n-round**_

_**The wheels on the bus go round-n-round**_

_**Round-n-round...round-n-round**_

_**La de dum dum de dum dum**_

_**Dum Dum Dum**_

_**La la la**_

"Ed, I'm going to try to say this in the most polite way I possibly can. Shut the fuck up!"

"Why fro-man don't like Ed's singing?"

"First of all, we're not on a frickin' bus. Second of all, my name is Spike and not fro-man. Lastly, you sing off key!" "And Spike-person sing on key?" Ed asked.

"Yes, I do actually..."

"Ohhhh, Ed want to hear Spike-person sing!"

Spike sings...like another Micheal Jackson wannabe (Cough Justin Timberlake Cough):

_**There's always that one person that will always have your heart.**_

_**Cha Monnnn!**_

_**You don't see it at first cause you're blinded from the start.**_

_**Ohhhhh!**_

_**Know that you're the one for me.**_

_**Clear for everyone to see.**_

_**My baby...my booooooo...**_

"There, you happy now? Ed...are you there?" Ed sits in the ship's chair...tramatized and possibly having a seizure. "Oh you big drama queen. It wasn't that bad." ... "Ed, are you breathin' ?" "...Oh shit!"

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews you guys! Puts cheesy smile on face. Anyway, any fangirls out there: DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO THE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BLOW! Thanks and god bless! T.R.


	4. A Past Revealed

Disclaimer: I still don't own Cowboy Bebop.

_(Narrator)_: _The evening seemed some what queit in Da Bebop. Well, minus the yelling that could be heard from a distance._

"You were supposed to keep em' alive you idiot!" Jet yelled.

"She was alive until..." Spike responded.

"Until what?"

"N-nothing..."

"Spike, you weren't singing were you?"

"What, ofcourse not! When have you ever heard me sing?"

"Well, there was this one time I caught you singing to Cher...oh and Madonna too...and then Britney Spears..."

"Okay, I was singing damn it! But that wouldn't kill someone."

"Obviously you don't know the sound of your own voice."

As the two men were agruing Ed propped her head up. Neither of them realizing that she was awake."Ohhhh, can Ed join in on the debate too!"

Jet seemed quite surprised. "Woah, you're awake!" As well as Spike but for a different reason. "Woah, you know the word debate!"

"Ed has no time for sleeping. Ed wants to see ponies!"

"Um, Spike, there's something wrong with this boy."

"That's just it...she's not a boy."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I was totally feeling her up on the way here."

"...You sick bastard..."

Just then, a woman's voice was heard in the hallways. A sensual sounding voice which could only mean that it was the one and only Faye Valentine. "Did someone call my name?" Faye smiled through her teeth.

"What the hell are you doin' here?" Jet questioned.

"Your the one who called me by my other name. You know...sick bastard."

"You're not wanted here,so get lossed! By the way, did you get that name by giving two dollar blowjobs?" Spike barked.

" Why are you being so hurtful? Don't you love me anymore?"

"I don't remember saying that."

"I see..then you probably won't remember when I do this." Faye reached over and grabbed Spike's head as she pulled his body closer. Then she placed her lips softly on his and began to kiss him. "There, that wasn't so bad. Alright, you're boring me. I'm gonna go take a shower."

But greedy and needy Spike wanted more. "Can I join?"

All the while poor Jet had to be a witness to such tension. "Hey, I'm here now!" Jet reminded.

"Oh, I like it better when people watch." Faye giggled.

"So...is that a yes...or..." Spike asked.

"My darling, that's a...HELL NO!" As Faye was shouting she slammed the bathroom door and proceeded to take a shower.

"You know what then? Don't use our fucking shower!" Spike turned his head towards Jet. "That's not right is it? For a girl to use a man's shower?"

"Well, not that kind of girl...but any other kind. Besides, You always have your sweetheart." Jet replied.

"And my sweetheart is who?"

"You know...Julia."

"Who is Julia?"

"The woman that you always bitch about in your boring dreams."

"Really, is she hot?"

"I guess it's a matter of taste. I never met the broad."

"Fuck, Jet, I think I used to know a Julia!"

"...I just told you that..."

"This fucker named Vicious was screwing her behind my back!"

"...Yes you idiot..."

"Now I remember that I'm supposed to kill that bastard! Oh, thanks man! If it weren't for you mentioning your sweetheart Julia, I wouldn't be able to remember that my Julia was with him."

"Dumbass..." Jet sighed.

"Thanks again...I'm gonna kill the bastard."

"Can I come?" Faye asked.

"Ugh...HELL NO!" Spike spat.

"Ed, I need you to do me a favor?"

"And what can Ed do for Spike-person?"

"I know this is a stretch but look up the name Julia for me."

"Can do!" Ed quickly skipped over to the computer and hacked her way inside a bounty database. Then she searched for a name under Julia and a description that Spike was giving her. To Spike's surprise, the Julia he was searching for had appeared. "That's impossible. I mean...she isn't supposed to be on here. It just isn't supposed to be that easy."

"What, you think somethin's up?" Jet questioned.

"No. I know something is up. I mean, it even has where she is and the map to get there!"

"Yeah, but...where did Faye go?" Jet looked around but could not find any trace of her.

"Oh fuck!" Spike responded.

"Oh fuck what?"

"I know exactly where she went. I'll be back!"

"Spike...wait...dinner's been sittin' here for hours and no one has touched it! I swear, I slave for you and you just treat me like this! Good for nothing!"

"...I'll be back. Besides, your food tastes like you stuck your finger in your ass then put it in a bunch of noodles."

"You don't have to be mean..."

"See ya around Jet!"

_(Narrator)_:_ With that word Spike climbed into his ship to go search for any answers to his past he could find, because he is a pain in the ass and this story has to continue with some sort of conflict. But what exactly could be in store for our anti-hero? Hey, in Da Bebop world_..._you never know_.

Author's note: Anyone in the mood for a little Vicious? Come on...anyone? ::Crickets:: Fine, be that way! Oh, and the next chapter WILL have Vicious in it. Review please, I could use some ideas!


	5. Hello Stranger

Disclaimer: I own Cowboy Bebop! Okay, I'm in denial. I don't REALLY own Cowboy Bebop.

_Narrator)_: _Spike arrived in a quiet and secluded area_._ Or atleast what seemed to be quiet and secluded_._ The whole area was succumbed by fog and the sky had a grey coat_. _Spike took a step forward_. _He could see a cross like figure in his fair sighted vision but wasn't particularly sure that this was what he saw_. _He took a couple of more steps forward_. _Ah, he was right_. _The figure he saw was indeed a cross_. _The whole building in front of him was a church_.

"Hello, is anybody in here?" There was no sign of any existing life form besides the rats that crawled around on the ground. Spike began to call out to his Julia, "Julia…" Just then a shadow was seen lurking behind a column in the church. "Hey, who is that? Who are you?"

An old voice answered. "I am the priest at this church, my boy."

"Hey, I'm not your boy…I don't swing that way. Atleast not today." Spike responded.

"How may I be of service to you?" The priest asked.

"Ugh…you want to service me?"

"What…no…how may I help you?"

"Oh, I want to find a woman named Julia. Have you seen a blond woman in this church recently?"

"No, no women. Not for ages. How I long for a woman and not these inexperienced little boys…I mean really I haven't seen anyone like that here."

"Right. So I guess it was just a wild goose chase." Spike began to make his exit out of the church when another voice was heard from the balcony. It was a different voice. More husky and rhapsody then the first. But it was also younger.

Spike turned around to meet the person behind the voice, "Yes--" Spike's sentenced was halted by the figure now standing directly behind him. It was Vicious.

"Hello, Spike, long time no fuck…I mean see." Vicious stated as if the past they shared meant nothing.

The priest shook his head disapprovingly at the crude language that was being used, "I heard that! Gentleman please this is a church."

"Vicious…where is she? Where is my Julia?!" Spike yelled while his eye began to twitch violently.

"I don't know. I was hoping you would be the one to tell me."

Spike began to grin; his grin becoming wider with every word he spoke, "She's warm in my bed."

Vicious had been smiling as cocky as he could but the smile left his face as soon as Spike uttered those dreaded words.

"You fucking bastard! Well, I have this girl here with me!" Vicious snapped his fingers and several of his goons appeared along with Faye.

"Spike! Oh god, help me Spike! I think they want to kill me!" Faye screamed.

"I don't think I feel like helping anyone today…" Spike replied.

"Fine…I'll help myself." With a wink of an eye and twist of her wrist she was able to untie herself from the restraining rope around her hands. None of the goons realized that she was free until it was too late. Faye finished off some off the goons on the lower part of the church. Up on the balcony, Spike took care of the remaining goons by pistol whipping them ofcourse. But Vicious still remained standing tall and firm in his pants…I mean his stature.

For some reason, Vicious just really wanted someone to kill his ass, "Well, Spike, what are you going to do? It's now or never."

"EXCUSE ME. I told you little retards to stop fighting! This is a church and somewhat of holy place…we try our best. But you little freaks want to come in here and have boring discussions about a past that doesn't matter to me or this audience what so ever!" The priest rambled.

Vicious continued on… ignoring the priest, "I thought you died along time ago?"

"I did." Spike sighed.

Vicious let out a harsh yell that could be heard throughout the whole church, "Then why are you still alive?!"

Spike began to smirk, "Because I drink two glasses of water everyday."

"You smartass!" Vicious let out a loud growl and then pounced on Spike making him crash through glass and fall out of the church onto the hard ground.

Spike woke up several hours later to find that he had been placed on Da Bebop's ugly ass couch and bandaged up from head to toe. "Who…where am I?"

"You're in Da Bebop."

"And who are you?" Spike asked.

"I am your father."

"WHAT?!"

"Haha, I'm actually Faye."

"Oh, it's you…"

"I'm glad to see you came back to life, Spike."

"Yeah…"

"Well, nice to meet you again, Spike, I hope the feeling is mutual."

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Since I'm now half way done with this story, I could use the ideas of others. Review please!


	6. Foreshadow

Disclaimer: Hey, my name begins with a T and I don't own Cowboy Bebop!

_(Narrator:) Jet sat on the couch while looking at Spike closely, as if he was trying to peer inside of his soul through his eyes…eye…no eyes…eye and glass eye._

Jet (after two awkward moments of staring at him) asked, "Have you had something really painful happen to you in the past that was so bad and then several years later it comes back again to bite you in the ass?"

Spike stared at the older man and sighed, "Yeah...it's called a dog and what's with the randomness."

Jet just shook his head and said, "No you idiot, I'm warning you because there is going to be a little boy. And then Zebra… also, you're probably gonna die too…and…"

Spike interrupted abruptly, "Look, Ms. Cleo, I don't care what dangers lie ahead of me and I sure as hell don't care about a little boy with a zebra. Besides, who could want a guy like me dead?"

"Only most of The Red Dragon gang, the little boy and Faye wants to kill you cause she said you broke her hair-dryer." Jet reminded.

"What… are you serious!" Spike exclaimed.

"Be careful…Red Dragon is nothing to fool around with." Jet warned.

"I NEVER touched her hair-dryer!" Spike yelled.

"…Can you forget the freaking hair-dryer please?" Jet asked.

"I gotta go." Spike said while grabbing his coat.

"Going to get that Giraffe guy?" Jet questioned.

Spike rambled on, "Huh, oh yeah…I'll do that after I find that bitch. Accusing ME of all people. I mean…does it look like I use a hair-dryer…"

_With that word Spike was off to give Faye a piece of his mind…oh and get that Giraffe guy too._

Spike arrived at the Blues House surprised to find that there was a large and round man singing Karaoke to Britney Spears's Toxic.

**(Toxic…sort of): With da taste of your lips Imma on a ride.**

**Yur Toxic Imma slippin' undurrrrrrrrr.**

A random guy yelled, "Get off the stage fat ass!"

Another guy exclaimed, "We want to hear some real blues!"

The heavy-set man made his way off the stage and almost completely fell down. But Spike caught him, and helped him up. "Whoa, you okay there big guy?" Spike asked.

"No, I hicthink Imma as drunk hicas a hobo." The man replied.

"No kiddin'…look I need a favor from you?" Spike stated.

"I don't hicdo blowjobs." The man said.

"Whatever, I need you to point me in the direction of a man named Giraffe." Spike responded.

"Sure he's just right over dur!" The man guided.

"Could cha say that any louder?" Spike said sarcastically.

The man spoke in a very loud voice. Loud enough so that the whole Blues House heard him, including Giraffe. "Oh, sure HE'S JUST RIGHT OVER THERE! hicYUP, GIRAFFE IS OVER THERE! Look, he's looking our hicway now. Oh dude hiche's running away!"

"Thanks loud ass…and I didn't break the hair-dryer." Spike said.

"Your welcome. By the way, the name's hicFatty River and I liked blues since I was in my dad's sac!"

Spike dashed off into his ship to chase after Giraffe when a heavy object fell on the front of the ship. BLUMP. "Oh shit!" Spike exclaimed. He suddenly realized that the thing that fell on his ship was indeed Giraffe. "Giraffe, who did this to you?"

Giraffe tried to answer between heavy panting, "I…Zebra…the stone…hair-dryer…." Giraffe handed him a pink stone.

"Ooo, it's all shiny!" Spike stated.

"…B-Beware…" Giraffe warned.

"Of what?" Spike asked.

Giraffe lightly laughed as if this were something he thought Spike would already know. Judging how it was already mentioned to him before. The man sighed an stated with his last gasp of breath, "Of the little kid…"

Author's Note: I really should have updated this much sooner. My apologies to anyone who cares. The next chapter should be coming soon (hopefully). If you liked (and are not to lazy) to review, please do so. Stay tune for the little boy (not), Vicious, mmm Gren, and hair-driers! Okay, no hair-driers.


	7. Dangerous Encounter

**Disclaimer:** My middle name begins with a T and I still don't own Cowboy Bebop.

Spike stood outside of the Blues House while leaning against a brick wall. He slowly breathed the smoke from the cigarette in and then exhaled. While sighing he said, "Little kid…I wonder what a little kid could want from me. Besides, a child support check and possible life insurance. That reminds, did I pay my child support this month…shit…"

A rotund man was lurking in the shadows near the Blues House. It was Fatty River. "Hey, Spike, whatcha doin' back hurr?" River asked.

Spike responded with a simple, "I need you to tell me where Zebra and that kid he's with is? Can you give me any info?"

"Well I'm suppose to tell you this anyway, because it would progress the storyline and therefore would be beneficial to you." River replied.

"Hey, what the hell! How did you get so educated that freakin' fast?!" Spike questioned.

River gave him the directions, "Oh sorry…dat' kid n' Zebra be over durr in dat' warehouse… next to dat' Burger Ding up near route…"

"Thanks!" Spike flew away (in his ship) to the warehouse. Hoping to find some answers as to what the hell was going on in the first place. When he arrived, the place looked empty. "Hello…anybody there? Not again." Suddenly, Spike heard a sound coming from the distance. It was echoing and he could swear it was the sound of a harmonica.

Just then, a boy appeared from the dark shadows with a man in a wheel chair slumped down on the side like Stephen Hawkins. The boy spoke, "Hallo, Spike, do you know who I am?"

"Well, I'm not stupid you little shit. You're the little boy that everyone has been warning me about." Spike answered.

"Yes, I am Wen. A long time ago something terrible happened and I was never able to age. So I have eternal youth…it's so sad. Don't you think it's sad?" Wen said.

Spike was nonchalant. "Not really…I got shot in the eye…"

"…Fuck you…I don't care about your eye!" Wen shouted as he pushed the chair into Spike's direction. "Think fast fucker!"

"Such a dirty mouth for such a young boy." Spike said while managing to dodge the wheelchair.

"Look, I told you I am not a child cause I'm really like a thousand!" Wen yelled.

"It's okay, you just haven't hit puberty yet. You'll get hair down there some day. Don't worry!" Spike assured while patting his head.

Wen was obviously fed up. "Motherfucker!" He drew his gun out and started shooting franticly (hitting nothing but air). "YAWWWWWWWWW! Take that and THAT!" Finally, he stopped shouting for he was out of breath and bullets.

Spike grinned, "I thought you were supposed to have eternal youth."

Wen came rushing down the steps of the warehouse and lunged at Spike's leg. Then he proceeded to bite it. Spike let out a scream, "Arghhhhhhh!" Spike flung his leg out and Wen went crashing to the floor.

Wen spoke to Spike through heavy breaths. "Uh…now I know…you are supposed to end my misery. You and only you… possibly someone else…but you must do it now."

"But how?" Spike questioned.

"You have the stone…correct?" Wen asked.

"Yes." Spike nodded.

Wen said, "Well take it and put it in your gun. Then shoot me. Now I know this is a hard thing for you to do but it's the…"

Before he could finish his sentence spike shot him. Ending him of his so called "misery" of eternal youth. Spike noticed that Wen was holding the harmonica in his right hand, so he picked it up and threw it up in the air. Making a pointing finger with his right hand. "Sad…so young…" Just then the harmonica came crashing back down on his face. "Ow…what the…" He was surprised because apparently he didn't believe in gravity. Spike looked up into the sky once more and held his right hand out then lightly sighed, "Bang."

**Author's Note:** I'm already thinking of working on two chapters called Waltz for Penis (Waltz for Venus) and the other is going to be related to the My Funny Valentine session. As well as the Jupiter Jazz one I have been anticipating. Feel free to share your views as long as their constructive!


	8. Waltz for Penis

**Disclaimer: I do not...REPEAT do not own Cowboy Bebop or the characters associated with it.**

_(Flight Attendant): DOOT. The plane will be landing on Venus soon. Note that some people may be allergic to the floating penises. You may get penis-sickness…so contact a doctor immediately if you begin to experience symptoms such as swelling and itching. That is all. DOOT. _

Spike was sitting in his chair resting when out of the blue three people named Huey, Dewey and Louie stood up. Louie approached a snobby rich man sitting in the chair. The rich man shivered while saying, "P-please d-don't hurt me…I'll g-give you free tickets to Slipknot concerts for the rest of your life!"

Louie proceeded in hitting the man while yelling, "Slipknot! Who the hell do you think I am?"

A dark-haired, tan-colored man was cowering in his sit close by. "Oh why! Why did I have to get Syphilis now?" Rocco said to himself.

Spike suddenly woke up to find that every one but the three criminals were silent in fear. "Hey what's going on here?" Spike asked.

Dewey noticed that Spike was standing and made his way to where he was. "Sit the fuck down!" Dewey commanded. There was no answer. Dewey repeated, "Sit the fuck down!" No answer again. Dewey repeated once more, "I said, sit the fuck dow-" Spike struck the man in the face and pushed him down violently. Huey then came charging from behind Spike and made an attempt at trying to hit him, but he failed for Spike blocked his attack. Spike then pushed him down with Dewey. Louie FINALLY realized that there is a fight going on and made her way toward Spike.

"You son of a bitch! That's enough of that!" Louie yelled. Faye quickly comes from behind and sprays something in her eyes. "My eyes, my freakin' eyes!" Louie screamed.

Spike was curious, "Hey, what's that spray stuff?"

Faye smiled, "Oh this? Oh, it's only this cum I bought. The flight attendants were selling them with the appetizers."

* * *

_(Narrator): Somewhere in a space port…Spike is seen collecting bountymoney from the plane incident. Faye and Rocco notice, and they both proceed to bug the hell out of him._

Faye smiled from ear to ear, "Hey, Spike, can I have my-"

"No." Spike replied abruptly.

"That's not fair! You didn't even let me finish what I was going-"

"No." Spike replied again.

"Listen, fucker, I want my part of the bounty!"

"Okay." Spike answered.

"Really?"

"No."

"Grrr…Spike…I need it now!" Faye declared.

"Well, I know but I just had sex with you on the plane so-"

"Ewww…just give me the money." Faye said.

"Here, take it. Haha, I said take it. Take it Faye."

"Fuck you Spike."

_(Narrator): Faye leaves and for a blissful moment Spike has some peace and quiet. Until that other pain in the ass, Rocco, decides to come rushing at him with a knife. _

"YAHHHHHHHH!" Rocco screamed. Spike blocked his sad attempt and threw him to the floor. Rocco was amazed, "Wow, you really know your moves huh?"

"Yeah, I practice Karma Sutra every other day." Spike stated.

"Ooo, maybe you could teach me some moves?" Rocco asked.

"No. Infact, I should hit you again for suggesting that…freak…I DON'T KNOW YOU!" With that said, Spike made his way out of the space port by way of elevator. Rocco followed him to the elevator.

"Hey wait! I was wondering if you could show me how to last long." Rocco said.

"What?" Spike asked.

Rocco repeated, "I was wondering if I could be strong like you."

"Oh…well…come outside and I'll show you a thing or two."

"You'll show me your thing…what?" Rocco questioned.

"No…I…come outside perverted stalker."

Spike stood outside while waiting for Rocco to arrive. He puffed on a cigarette. Ironically, he was standing next to a no smoking sign.

"Hey, Spike over here man…over here!" Rocco yelled.

"What took you so…what the hell is up with my voice? I sound like that guy from that Austin Powers movie." Spike said curiously.

"Yeah you kinda do sound like Mini Me. Anyway, an old myth has it that the first person to ever come to Venus was kicked in the balls by an alien so from then on he talked in a high pitched voice. Yet I think it's just the helium in the air. Here, fix it with some of this nasty tasting medicine." Rocco gave Spike the medicine and Spike took it. Then Spike walked away while Rocco followed after him. "Hey, man, come back!" Rocco commanded.

"Goodbye weirdo…hey my voice didn't change."

"Yeah, that was just cough medicine that I gave you."

"Motherfucker!" Spike grabbed Rocco by the collar.

Rocco just grinned, "Ooo you like it rough don't you?"

"Who are you?" Spike asked.

"I'm Rocco. Rocco Bonnaro and I'll be your sex slave."

"Ew…let's just start with the basics. I want you to come at me."

"Come with you?"

"No… AT me. But don't tense your muscles up."

"I'll try not to…" Rocco then charged at Spike but got knocked down.

"No, Rocco, you need to be like cum." Spike insisted.

"Cum?" Rocco questioned.

"Yes, it flows gently, aggressively, quickly and slowly at the same time. You need to be like that. Got it dumbass?"

"I think so…look I gotta go." Rocco rushed off but before he went he handed Spike an item wrapped in some type of cloth. "Meet me by the cathedral!"

Spike unwrapped the cloth and opened the case containing a plant. "Hmm, what is this?"

* * *

_(Narrator)_: _Spike arrived in what looked like a secluded desert, but it was Rocco's broken down home where he and his sister Stella lived_. 

"Hello…anybody…" Spike suddenly froze for Stella was now pointing a gun directly at his head.

"Who's there? Who are you? Why are you here!" Stella questioned while frantically waving her gun.

"Hey, don't get your panies in a bunch lady! I'm not gonna hurt you." Spike assured.

Stella took a step forward but tripped and fell into Spike's arms. "Ew, you pervert, let go of my buttocks this instant!"

"S-sorry…I just came to see Rocco." Spike apologized.

"Oh you're a friend of Rocco's?"

"No." Spike stated.

"Oh…good then."

"Why do you say that?" Spike asked.

"Because he sucks."

"Oh…"

"It's a good thing you're nothing like him."

"What makes you so sure that I'm not?" Spike questioned.

"…Well you have something inside of you. Deep within you…it just doesn't show that much...that's all."

"Hey, something does feel like it's inside of me! …Is that your finger!"

**Author's Note: Another short chapter of the Waltz for Venus episode, then it's probably My Funny Valentine...and then DUN DUN DUN the long awaited Jupiter Jazz part One and Two! Woo, I got some work to do...see ya!**


	9. Bad News: Waltz Part II

**Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebop is not mine and it's as simple as that. **

_(Narrator): We find Rocco at a secluded area with a criminal named Piccaro Calvino and his goons. _

"Rocco, if you would be so kind as to tell me where the Grey Ash is then I just might let you die a noble death." Piccaro said.

"Gee, that's a great offer but I don't know where it is." The goons began to come towards him. "No. I swear I don't know where it is! I-I must have dropped it somewhere. Let me go find it!"

"Not so fast Rocco…don't move or else." Piccaro warned.

"Please, don't hurt me…I'll do anything. ANYTHING just don't hurt me." Rocco pleaded.

"HM? You want me to hurt you? Okay!" Piccaro proceeded to burn a cigarette into Rocco's face. "Now, I'll bet you'll talk."

* * *

_(Narrator): Back at the Bebop. _

"So, are we going to nab these guys or not?" Faye asked while puffing lightly on her cigarette.

"I don't know... it's way too risky." Jet doubted.

"Well, I suppose you rather starve?" Faye retorted.

Spike walks in. "Hey, Spike, did you find out where the bounty is meeting at?" Jet asked.

"There meeting at some old cathedral…Rocco and Piccaro."

"Well, Jet, that settles it let's get em'." Faye said.

* * *

_(Narrator): At an old cathedral. _

"Hey, Rocco, my man! What's sup yo?" Spike greeted.

"What?" Rocco asked.

"Um, I mean…Hello Rocco."

"What are you doing here…wait I get it. You're a bounty-hunter aren't you?" Rocco proceeded to point a gun at Spike.

Spike comes closer to Rocco. "Rocco!"

Rocco comes closer to Spike. "Spike!"

Piccaro approaches Rocco. "Rocco…Grey Ash?"

Faye approaches Piccaro. "Piccaro!"

Jet approaches them all. "Jet…wait that's my name…shit!"

"I see…bounty-hunters…kill them all now!" Piccaro yelled. A man rushed Rocco from behind but Rocco rejected his advances by blocking him with an attack that Spike taught him.

Rocco was surprised at what he was capable of, "Spike, did you see that! I did it!" Spike gave him a thumbs up and Rocco started to put his thumb up as well but he is shot from behind. Rocco landed on the glass that the Grey Ash was placed in and smashed it.

"Rocco!" Spike grabbed Rocco's head and held it up.

Rocco whispered in his last breath, "The music box…"

"I know Rocco…I know. I'll take care of Stella."

"Spike, do you think we would have been lovers in a past life?"

"What? That sounds like something a chick would say."

And at that moment both Rocco and the plant died.

Piccaro began to slowly walk away but Faye sees him and aims a gun at him. "Not so fast Piccaro."

"What? A hooker…I thought I paid you two weeks ago?"

"No you idiot! I'm a bounty-hunter and I'm here to turn your ass in!"

"Well, you can do anything you want with my ass baby."

* * *

_(Narrator): At a hospital where Stella is residing at. _

Stella hears her door open, "Barney! Barney is that you?"

"Um, no, it's Spike."

Stella (disappointed) answered, "Oh…were is Rocco?" Stella then reached out to feel Spike's face. "Oh I see…"

**Author's Note: Well, hoped you like this chapter. Please read and review for any ideas you might have. Jupiter Jazz Part I and II coming up!**


	10. Searching

**Disclaimer: I could name all of the characters in this chapter that I don't own, but that would be rather boring. So, I'm just going to say (once again) I don't own any of them.**

_(Narrator): We find our heroes at the Bebop once again. Still, normal day for the Bebop crew. Ed is typing away at the computer while drooling profusely. Jet is "fixing" something "privately". Ein is taking a shit on the carpet.Faye is no where to be seen. And Spike is laying on that fugly yellow couch again. _

"I'm hot." Spike said.

Jet walked out of the room he was working in and into the area where Spike was laying. "Oh, somebody's humble."

"What's up with you?"

"Oh nothing…only Faye took all the money we had in the safe and jetted."

"Are you serious? I hope she isn't doing this because of last night."

"Why, what happen last night?"

"Why the hell is it so hot in here?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine."

"She sucked out all the anti-freeze."

Spike walked over to Ed while she was sitting near the computer. "Ed, try looking for Faye."

"Found it!" Ed squealed.

"That fast?" Spike asked.

"Hm…what's this? Ed sees a name. JULIA!"

"Julia!"

Jet moved toward where Spike and Ed were. "Now, Spike, don't go doing anything I wouldn't do…which is nothing."

Spike began to shake Ed. "Where is she! Where is Julia?"

"Ooooo! Ed knows where Julia is! She's in Blue Crow in Callisto."

"Good, I'm going to Blue Crow. See ya!"

"But there are no girls in Blue Crow." Ed said confused.

Jet look perplexed. "Are you serious? Hey, Spike, wait up!"

* * *

_(Narrator): At a small Jazz club in Blue Crow. _

Faye was wearing her regular everyday yellow outfit but it was far too chilly for something like that in Callisto.

A tall dark and handsome man approached her. "Excuse me."

Faye responded, "No. I don't want a drink, I don't need your jacket and I surely don't want to see your little friend."

"One, I don't have enough money to buy you a drink. Two, it kinda does look like you need a jacket cause you sneezed. Three, I only show my "little friend" to men."

"So you're a fairy?"

"No, I believe you are the fairy. You're the one who sneezed were you not?"

"I guess?"

The man reached out and put his arms around Faye. "Here, take my jacket fairy."

Faye took a look around the club realizing that there were absolutely no women but herself inside. The man caught her pondering gazes. "You do realize that you're the only woman in Callisto don't you?"

Faye began to get up and placed the man's jacket on his shoulder while making her way towards the door. "Thanks, but I don't think I'll need your help."

Faye walked outside and got mugged by a group of men. Luckily, the man that she spoke with in the club was there. He took her hand forcefully and pushed his way through the group.

He smiled at her and said, "Now, I thought you said you didn't need my help?"

* * *

Spike yelled continuously, "Julia? Julia!" 

"No, I'm Julius…not Julia. How may I help you there big boy."

"W-What the hell are you? You're hideous!"

"You're not looking too good yourself kiddo. But to be more specific…I'm a transvestite."

"What, this place can't afford real prostitutes?"

"There are no women here."

"No women at all?"

"Are you deaf?"

"If I was I couldn't be answering you right now."

"I did see a man named Gren go out of a club with a woman though."

"Who is Gren?"

"He's a sex…I mean sax player at the jazz club, Blue Crow. Well, toodles my pimp is here."

* * *

Faye found herself in a dim lighten-room with several pictures of the man's past. She asked curiously, "So why'd you bring me to your place?" 

"Why did you go with me." The man said.

"Because I thought you were going to rip my hand off if I didn't."

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry bout' that."

"Don't mention it." Faye began to pick up a small music box on the coffee table but the man snatched it out of her hand before she could wind it completely.

"It doesn't work. Tell me, why did you come to Callisto alone?"

"I've mostly always been alone. It isn't worth having any friends or partners who won't even bother to try to find you."

"Instead, you distance yourself from them. Am I right?"

"Ew…you're…right."

A moment of silence went on for about a minute but it seemed like an hour between the two of them.

"Do you wanna take a shower?" The man asked.

"Maybe…"

"Cause if you do I was wondering if I could join."

"Huh? I thought you said you were a fairy?"

"No, I said you were a fairy. Look, I'm going to go take a shower. Try not to be too curious if you know what I mean."

"I can't guarantee that."

The man began to walk to his bathroom but Faye stopped him. "Wait, aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"It's Grencia Mars Elijah Guo Eckener."

"I guess your parents didn't love you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, to give you a shitty name like that they couldn't have thought too fondly of you."

"Right…" Gren walked into the bathroom and closed the door and began removing all of his clothing. Then he turned the faucet knob and let the hot water pour down his body.

Faye (on the other hand) was busy examining the pictures on the wall. While skimming around she noticed a familiar face. Just then a phone rang. She chose not to answer it and a voice was heard on the answering machine. It said, "I'm waiting for you here at the vacant lot…hurry."

* * *

_(Narrator): At the vacant lot. Snow is covering almost everything in sight. From a distance, Spike approaches. _

Spike called out, "Mother! MOTHER! I mean…Julia!"

A man named Lin from the Red Dragon Syndicate approached him. "S-Spike? What are you doing here?"

Spike responded, " Mother! Are you my mother?"

Suddenly, a man approached from behind the shadows and darkness. "Isn't that from a children's book?"

Spike turned his head quickly. "Vicious! You used her name for deal? How dare you!"

Both Spike and Vicious reached for their weapons. Spike aimed his gun at Vicious, but Lin moved in front of him.

Spike cried out, "Lin!"

Vicious began to grin. "Julia was here…"

* * *

_(Narrator): Back at Gren's apartment. Faye finds herself inside his bathroom just staring at him like he had a cat on his head and it was taking a shit. _

Faye (shocked) said, "What the hell am I seeing?"

Gren replies, "Your seeing boobies and a penis."

"Ah! That was a rhetorical question you twit! W-what are you exactly?"

Gren then pushed Faye against the wall and blocked her right and left with his arms. "I'm both but I am neither."

**Author's note: Whew! Lots of dialogue in that one. More Gren, Spike, and Vicious action in the upcoming chapter. Wait...that didn't sound right. **


	11. Discovery

**Disclaimer: Look, just because I watch something doesn't mean I own it. Why are you reading this anyway! Just skip right to the story...**

_(Narrator): Vicious and Lin point there weapons readily at Spike. All is quiet until Spike opens his mouth…breathing heavily. _

"Are you sleeping with Julia!" Spike asked.

Vicious looked around for a moment then asked, "What was that voice? Are there cops here?"

"Don't change the subject! Did you or did you not fuck Julia!"

"I did not have sexual relations with…oh wait yes I did. Many times as a matter of fact."

Lin interrupted the conversation between the two men and proceeded to aim his gun at Spike's chest. Spike looked at him with a confused look on his face and said, "What are doing Lin?"

But Lin ignored him and fired his gun. Spike dropped onto the snow covered ground.

* * *

_(Narrator): In Gren's apartment. Gren confesses everything to Faye. _

Gren removed his arms from the cold wall and let them drop at his warm sides. He sighed, "I was fighting at Vicious's side during Titan. We were all comrades…so long ago…"

Faye raised her head and met Gren's sorrow-stricken eyes. "Gren, would you please put some pants on before you tell me something serious like this?"

"Oh…my apologies." Gren walked into his bedroom and went through his draw. Then he proceeded to put his pants on. "Okay, I'm done. Now, where were we?"

"Um…" Faye hesitated.

"Ugh. What's wrong now?"

"You didn't put any underwear on."

"…Let me continue my story."

"Okay, go ahead."

"Where was I?"

"You and Vicious were lovers-- I mean comrades."

"Yeah, I long time ago…"

* * *

_(Narrator): Years ago, during the Titan War._

A younger Gren heard a music box playing from near by and because he was curious he wanted to go see what it was. So, he walked over to a man who held the music box in his rough and cut hands. "Hey, what's the name of that song?" Gren asked.

Gren could tell that Vicious was a man of few words. He didn't need words to describe what he was feeling for his actions said it all. Vicious looked up at Gren with a very stern look in his eyes and said, "Julia…"

Gren nodded, "That's a nice song. I would love to play that on my sax."

Vicious placed the music box into Gren's smooth and dusty hands. Gren looked surprised for a moment but formed a slight smile on his face.

* * *

_(Narrator): Back in present time at Gren's apartment. _

"He protected me from a scorpion. Saved my life. But, it turns out that he later betrayed me. I still can't believe that for sure. I was later imprisoned because they thought I was a spy. I suffered so much pain in there that I had to stop it somehow. So, I became a drug addict. Because I used the drugs my hormones became unbalanced, and this was the result of that. I have to go see for myself…if he really betrayed me."

"Gren, you can't just bring someone to your apartment and then go off on some suicide mission."

"It's my only choice. I have no other option."

"You can't go you stubborn ass! I won't let you!" Faye began to fire her gun at him but he dodged each bullet and removed the gun from her hand.

"If I don't go now, I may never get a chance to. I've been waiting for him for years now. I must go. Oh, and make sure you feed my fish while I'm gone."

Spike stayed still on the hard ground. His body was frozen but in his mind thoughts kept flowing. He thought of his past life with Julia and Vicious. He thought of his present life with Faye and Jet. He heard there voices running continuously through his head.

"Spike…"

"Julia…is that you?"

"Yes, Spike, it's me."

"I feel like I'm watching I dream."

"Yeah, just a dream."

"Spike…"

"Who is it now?"

"It's Faye, Spike."

"W-what do you want?"

"It's good to see you've finally woke up. You've been sleeping for too long."

"Spike, you betrayed me."

"V-Vicious? You left me here to die."

"Your eyes are different colors."

"Oh, Julia, you came back…"

"Why are they different?"

"My left eye sees the past. My right…"

* * *

_(Narrator): Back in the alley where Faye was attacked. Jet continues his search for Spike and Faye. _

Jet spotted a man huddled in a corner by a dumpster. He was crouched in a fetal position and rocking his body back and forth.

"Excuse me, do you know where the Orlando apartment is?"

The man froze and responded, "N-no I d-don't k-know of a-a-a-any a-a-part-m-m--"

"Uh, you know what I'll just find it myself. It has to be somewhere around here. Orlando, Orlando where have you gone? Oh where, oh where could you beeeeee? There it is!"

Jet opened the door to Gren's apartment and searched around. He found Faye cuffed to the bed post in Gren's bedroom. Jet scratched his head, "So he's that type."

Faye defended him, "No! It's not what it looks like. Well, it is what it looks like, but not to the extent your thinking of."

"Sheesh, I can't leave your side for one minute and already your off doing this! Spike was right about you."

"Let me guess, he said I'm a hooker."

"No, he told me you have a fetish for beds."

"Uh, come again?"

"That's right…I know your little secret. You sneak into people's apartments and claim your bed. So, what do you plan on doing with this one?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Come on! We haven't got time for this. Spike is gonna do somethin' stupid!"

"Figures…"

* * *

_(Narrator): Back at the vacant lot. Spike wakes up and touches his chest. He realizes that there is a crow on it. _

"Hey bird…do you know which way those guys went?"

The bird flew away.

"Gee, thanks a lot you little shit."

Spike examined his chest more and pulled out the dart that was in it. "A tranquillizer gun! There messing with me…"

Spike received a call from Jet, "Hey, Spike, there's this bounty named Gren. He was under the codename "Julia" and he's an escaped convict. You catch him and maybe we can work out a compromise." CLICK.

Vicious received a call from Gren. "I'm waiting, Gren."

"Come to the roof of the building. A woman I sent will be there."

"Too bad you couldn't join the party. I would have liked to see your face in person."

Jet and Faye sat inside Jet's ship, the Hammerhead. Jet turned his head toward Faye, "Why did you leave us that letter?"

"Because I felt like it, bed-wetter."

"Did you think we would find you, bed-fetisher.?"

"…Oh real original….besides I don't have a fetish for beds. So, who's this Julia chick everyone has been blabbin' about."

"Hm, beets me. Although I know she's connected to Spike somehow."

Faye sighed, "Spike huh…."

* * *

_(Narrator): On top of a building. _

"Drop the bag." Vicious demanded. The woman wrapped in cloth dropped the bag.

Lin picked the bag up and searched through it, "Yup. It's real red-eye."

Vicious nodded, "Hand it over then."

Lin handed the bag over to Vicious and placed a suitcase next the woman's feet. "In the suitcase is what you requested."

Vicious began to walk away but a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

"You stopped that scorpion from ripping off my face, but betrayed me behind my back!"

"Hmph, hello Gren." Vicious replied.

Gren removed the white cloth that was hiding his identity. He no longer had the warm smile on his face that he always had in the past. His eyes were stern. He kicked the suitcase toward Vicious and Vicious shot at it till it opened, which contained an explosive device. The suitcase exploded. Lin fell to the ground, impacted by the explosion. He laid on the ground in pain. Spike (from a distance) hears the explosion and made his way toward it.

Gren spoke, "Did you give me that music box because you knew I'd never open it?"

Vicious laughed, "So you found the transmitter?"

"No. Julia found it. As soon as I told her you gave it to me she opened it and found the transmitter."

"What's your point?"

"We fought side by side in Titan. We were comrades…we…we…I trusted you!"

"Yeah, well things change. I'm through with you. Besides, your just a waste of my time."

Gren cocked his gun and fired it at Vicious but Lin blocked it with his body. Lin was killed by the blow.

Vicious grabbed the bag and threw it into his ship. "Trust no one."

Gren ran to his ship and went after Vicious and Spike as well. Both Spike and Gren fired at Vicious. Vicious fired back with two missiles at Gren's ship. It hit his engine and Gren's ship began to drop down. Suddenly, Vicious hears the music box playing Julia inside the bag with the red-eye drug. The music box exploded, damaging a wing on Vicious's ship. Spike landed the Swordfish next to the crash site and walked to where Gren was sprawled across the pavement.

Spike lifted his head, "Where is Julia?"

Gren looked into his eyes, "Did you know her?"

"Not really…"

"Oh…you must…be Spike. She told me a lot about you. She…told me that…you had one fake eye."

"Yeah, I see the past in one eye and--"

"Could you shut-up? I'm trying to tell you something."

"I'm sorry, you can continue."

"I forgot what I was going to say."

"Damn, your bleeding all over the place. I guess you'll die soon anyway, so let me put you in your ship and launch you off into space…okay?"

"No."

Spike proceeded to lift him up an carry him to his ship.

"Look, you idiot, I said no!" Gren retaliated.

Spike placed him inside his ship and began to prepare the Swordfish for the launch.

"I'm not dead." Gren said.

Spike closed the doors to his ship and walked back to his.

"But I'm not dead yet!"

_(Narrator): Spike launches his ship into space and for one last time Gren finds peace near Titan. _

"No I don't!"

_Hush, your supposed to be dead. Don't make me shoot you. _

_(Narrator): Back at the Bebop all five of the Backstreet--I mean the gang resides. Faye is seen doing Ed's nails. _

"Sooooo, where'd you guys go?" Ed asked.

"Nowhere special but it was nice."

"Ohhh, no one tells Ed anything!"

"Relax, Ed, I'll tell you about someday."

**Author's Note: I don't know what episode I should fuck up next. I need ideas people! (T.R.) **


	12. My Funny Bone

**Disclaimer: This is based on the episode "My Funny Valentine" from the anime, (that I do not own) Cowboy Bebop. Enjoy!**

_(Narrator): Several years ago…_

A familiar dark-haired woman is seen lying on a hospital bed. Another figure entered the room and kneeled beside her. The person moved closer to the woman examining her every move until the woman opened her eyes.

"W-what are you doing?" The woman said.

"I wasn't looking at your boobs!" The person responded nervously.

"Um, I was about to ask what you were doing in my room? Who are you?"

"Uh, pardon me. It must be so rude of me to not introduce myself Miss Valentine."

"What! How do you know my name?" Faye asked.

"I'm your lawyer. My name is Whitney."

"Whitney…like Whitney Houston?"

"Uh, no more like Whitney Hagas Matsumoto."

"You sure, because you kinda look like her in this light."

"Positive. Now, tell me everything you can remember."

"I can't really remember much."

"Let's start with the things in this room. Point out some things that seem familiar to you."

"Okay, I see a blanket. I see a glass of water. I see a television. I see your penis… please put that back in."

"Do you know that, when you were younger a horrible accident occurred?"

"No not really, but whatever happened I didn't do it!"

"The accident rendered you unconscious, but (thanks to technology) doctors were able to bring you backby usingdeep freeze."

"Are you freaking serious!"

"I'm dead serious. Those items that you pointed out in the room early were all wrong. That isn't a television… it is a washing machine. And that over there isn't a holding glass for water… it's a machine people use to wash their faces. This isn't my penis…it's just an optical illusion."

"Ha! I don't believe any of this crap! Why should I? Who are you to come and tell me stuff like this anyway! Maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe that wasn't an optical illusion! Maybe you really aren't wearing any pants right now!"

"Be quiet!" Whitney knocked her out into a cold and almost completely still sleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on that evening Faye decided to sneak out of the hospital, but once she got outside Whitney had pulled up in his car next to her. "Get in Faye." He said. So she did, because what other choice did she have? She was trapped in an entirely different world. With an entirely different life. To top that off she did not remember much about her past. Her home, her friends and family were gone. Yet, through her confusion and loneliness there was this strange man next to her. Whitney, a mysterious man that she had just met several hours before.

Faye finally spoke, "…They want me to pay 300 million for the operation."

"Don't worry, I'll help you pay off the debt. Just be patient."

"Is it that easy?"

"Oh no!" Whitney looked in his rear view mirror and noticed that vehicles were approaching them.

"What is it Whitney?"

"It's the Collection Agency. They want the money."

"Run, it's the only thing, Faye, you must run!" After ten seconds, "…So you should get out of the car now and run."

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because someone told me you're a fairy. And I am a leprechaun that needs to protect…wait what the hell am I saying. Just run bitch!"

So Faye ran and ran. Until she was far away from the hospital. Far away from the Collection Agency. Far away from Whitney. But there was an explosion close to where Whitney was at.

Faye watched as part of the forest was turned into a large fireplace, "Wow! Now that's what I call special effects. Wait a minute that's not special effects. No…Whitney…dead!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_(Narrator): Back in the present time, Faye is seen talking to Ein (yes the dog Ein) while a flush of a toliet can be heard near by. _

"Who's in the bathroom Ein?" Faye asked.

"…" Ein responded.

Spike walked out of the bathroom, "What horribly boring and long story."

"So, you were listening the whole time?"

"You truly are a disgrace, Faye. You leave the poor guy so he can deal with your problem."

"The debt was too much to pay off."

"Cry me a river, then build a bridge over that river and cross it."

"My past…it makes me think about whether everything I'd known was a lie or not. There's just so many questions still unanswered. Like, do I even have a life anymore and what the hell is that smell?"

"Don't look at me!"

"But you were the one who used the bathroom."

"So are you saying because I was in the bathroom that automatically makes me the culprit!"

"Uh…yeah…it does."

"I don't believe you! You know, let's just get back to Da Bebop."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_(Narrator): Spike, Faye and Ein arrive at Da Bebop. Theyare greeted by Jet, Ed and a strange rotund man. _

Ed squealed in sheer delight, "Fro-man and Fay-Fay are back!"

Spike looked around, "Hey, Jet, who's the guy?"

"The bounty of the week. Goes by the nickname Madame Killer." Jet replied.

Faye recognized him. It was the barcode on his neck that Faye had remembered and the fact that he wasn't wearing any pants. "I remember you. Your Whitney Matsumoto."

Whitney looked up, shocked that she had remembered him, "H-hello…it's been a long time, huh?"

**Author's note: The sequel to this chapter will be continued soon and I apologize for the long delay. -Peace-**


	13. The Truth: Funny Bone Part II

**Disclaimer: I do not endorse Geico, Jeopardy, Coca Cola or...Crack-a-Cola...actually I do endorse Crack-a-Cola. On with the funniness! **

_(Narrator): Previously, Faye met up with an old bastard--I mean friend--or a least who she thought was her friend._

Whitney looked up, shocked that she had remembered him, "H-hello…it's been a long time, huh?"

Faye cocked her head up, "You lied about everything didn't you?"

"I needed to pay off some things that's all."

"That's all? You make it sound like all you did was use me to buy some Crack-a-Cola!"

"Well--wait--what the hell is Crack-a-Cola?"

"Oh, it's basically the same as Coca Cola, except it's cheaper and taste like crap."

"...Okay..."

* * *

Jet and Spike were sitting in an opposite room. Jet was actively pacing the floor. "So what kind of attachment does Faye have to this guy?"

"I'm not too sure, but apparently the relationship was pretty deep."

"Oh, so he was her pimp or somethin'."

"Um, no a bit less deep than that...I hope."

"They've been in there for a long time."

"Yeah we should watch them..."

"She might let him go free and there goes our bounty."

"Is that so?"

"Ha, you know how women are Spike."

"Who said I was in to women?"

* * *

Faye hadbegan set Whitney free, "I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'll probably regret it if I don't."

Whitney began unbuttoning his pants, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"What the fuck are doing!"

"I-I thought you were going to give me a blowjob!"

"No you idiot, I'm releasing you so you can get the hell out of here! The police are coming for you...don't you know that?"

"I never got a b.j. from a police officer before, but if you insist..."

"Forget about the damn b.j. and run!"

* * *

Jet said, "What the--!"

Spike asked, "What's up Jet?"

"The gravity in the ship was turned off."

"What makes you think that?"

"We're floating in the freakin' air!"

"She's probably letting him go."

"Wanna bet on it?"

"Right, let's split it 60-40."

"50-50."

"60-50."

"60-50."

"...That's the same thing."

"Okay, I'll bargain with you...60-50. And that's my final offer!"

"...Why did I have to befriend a moron?"

* * *

(_Narrator): In the meantime, Faye rushes to get Whitney into her ship, but because he's a fat ass it isn't going to be very easy._

Faye said, "Can you atleast try to help me out here?"

Whitney sighed, "I don't think this is going to work."

"Honestly, of all the things you could have done with plastic surgery you picked the stupidest thing!"

"Well, I did ask them if they could make me look like Michael Jackson, but they said I didn't have enough money to pay for all that."

Jet ran to Faye's ship, "Hey wait, don't do what I think you're going to do!"

Whitney shook his head, "Nope, I asked her before and she wouldn't give me a blowjob."

Faye pointed her gun at Jet, "He's my bounty now so back off!"

Spike hopped into his ship and Faye as well.

* * *

_(Narrator): And now for a random and pointless moment of Ed and Ein floating. Enjoy!_

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ein, this is fun right!"

Ein said, (absolutely nothing because Ein's a dog) "..."

* * *

_(Narrator): Now, back to the stuff you actually want to read._

Whitney turned his head toward Faye, "Where are you taking me...what are you going to do to me?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

"Please let it be something kinky. Please let it be something kinky--"

"Shut. The. Fuck.--"

"I know, I know up."

"No! Down...ha I fooled you!"

"Someone please save me from this crazy bitch!"

A man's voice was then heard over the intercom, "Don't worry, you'll be back in my hands soon enough."

"Who are you?"

"Spike Spiegel, bounty hunter at my service."

"Oh shit, Faye save me from that crazy man-bitch!"

"What the hell do you think I'm trying to do?"

Spike shot at her ship. "What do you think you're doing?"

"You're the one that just shot my ship!" Faye shot back. "I'm not going to be easy on you."

"Stop stealing my limelight! This is about me and my angst! MINE MINE MINE!"

Another different yet familiar voice was heard. "Do you really want to know who you are.?"

"Dr. Baccus...is that really you?"

"Hmm, I think you should guess!"

"I'll take Dr. Baccus for 400 please."

"Do you think it is me?"

"What is Dr. Baccus."

"Yes, you are correct!"

"Yay! I always wanted to win. Anyway, who am I really?"

"You were preserved by cryogenetics."

"And my name...is that real?"

"We didn't know your name so I gave you the name Valentine. But I do have good news."

"Oh yeah...what?"

"I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Well, so long suckers!"

* * *

_(Narrator): At a police station, Whitney is seen locked behind bars._

Faye said, "Did you really think you were going to get away with this?"

Whitney responded, "You know for a moment there I did."

"You are truly ridiculous."

"Speaking of riDICulous, wanna suck it now?"

"Goodbye Whitney!"

Faye exited the police station and was soon accompanied by Spike who was waiting outside. "Nice job limelight stealer."

Faye said, "Oh come on! Admit that you were jealous."

"I didn't say I was and I didn't say I wasn't."

**Author's Note: My computer is still kinda being a biatch so please forgive my absence. As for the future of this story, I'll have to put it on hold due to my schedule for the next few weeks. In the meantime, please be patient. **


	14. Brain Crack

**Disclaimer: I don't own any copyrighted characters/other endorsements and blah blah blah. **

Spike and Jet watched television while sitting on the couch.

Jet said, "Say, Spike, do you remember when you wore that long-haired wig?"

Spike said, "Yeah, that was a while ago. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no particular reason…cept' you looked like a woman."

"So what are you saying?"

"You made me gender confused."

"What, do I turn you on? Am I here to turn you on is that it?"

"No, Spike, it's just…"

"It's just what! Am I here to give you visual pleasure?"

"No…it's just…you make me question my sexuality. When I'm around you I feel a little uncomfortable. I think I'm gay!"

"Oh, why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I am gay!"

"I'm gay too."

"Really, I would have never guessed."

"So, why are you so gay?"

"What?" Jet was puzzled.

"You said you're gay…why?"

"Spike…I…you thought I meant happy didn't you?"

"DUR! That's what gay means stupid. Dee dee dee!"

Jet sighed lightly and put his hand on his forehead. "Whatever you say, Spike. I'm going to go masturbate—I mean tend to my Bonsai tree."

Spike stayed on the couch. He quickly bounced up when he saw Faye on the T.V. screen. "Jet, come in here! That ho is on sitcoms now."

"I'm almost there—I mean I'm almost done trimming the—ah, ah, oooh!" Jet yelled from another room.

"Well, when you done trimming the ah-ahs' come in here!"

Spike watched the screen closely. A person was interviewing Faye.

The person said," So what has Brain Crack done for you?"

"It has freed my body of all desires. Except my desire to take a shit…like right now." Faye replied.

"That's great!" The person said.

"No, seriously, I need to take a shit. Excuse me." Faye ran off the scene.

Spike changed the channel. A commercial was shown advertising Crack-a-Cola.

_What do you get when your kids are on CRACK? _

_And they give blowjobs to a guy named JACK? _

_YOU GET CRACK-A-COLA! _

_Drink it…because it isn't addicting…too much. _

Spike stared at the screen in sheer awe. "What the hell is wrong with these worlds?" Jet where you at man?"

"I'm right here." Jet looked at the screen. "That's Doctor Londes; he's responsible for the Brain Crack organization."

"And what does Brain Crack do exactly?"

"Basically, it's like a cult. They worship this nutcase."

"Let's cap this guy."

"For real, son. Dipset!"

Spike was (once again) confused. "What?"

"You were doing the Ebonics and so I…never mind."

* * *

_(Narrator): Spike and Jet go to search Doctor Londes while Ed and Ein stay behind. Ed receives a message from Faye so— ah fuck it. This story doesn't need a narrator anyway. I quit! _

Ed said, "Oh look Ein, it's Fay-Fay."

Faye said, "Ed…I need Brain Crack! Please, get some…I'm dying here…"

"Uh-oh! The connection was lost."

Jet was waiting on line in a store. He was talking to Spike on his walky-talky.

"Jet, you sure you want to do this?" Spike said.

"It's the only way now. I mine as well hack into the system. Besides, Faye looks like she's discovered somethin'."

"If you say so."

Jet received the Brain Crack videogame. He gave it to Ed and she placed it in the computer.

"Alright," Jet said. "Let's see what this baby can do."

_Welcome to Crack. Do you want to join? _

"Yes." Jet stated.

_Please input personal data. _

"Ed, put some phony info in."

Ed does and a message came up on the monitor again.

_Crack engaged. _

Doctor Londes started speaking.

_Free your soul from its' unwanted desires. Crack can get you a new life; a better life. A life full of blowjobs and addiction. _

Jet fell unconscious. Luckily, Ein was there. Ein bit him and he awoke conscious again. Jet picked up his walky-talky and got in touch with Spike.

"I was out cold in just a matter of seconds." Jet said.

Spike was on the other line. "Really? Well, I guess we have to go with my plan now."

"Wait no! Your plan is dumb. Don't you know you can get hurt?" Jet questioned.

"I don't like your attitude."

"My attitude doesn't like you."

Spike hung up and decided to go on with his plan.

* * *

Jet and Ed were walking to a building. They were both dressed in their formal wear. 

"Alright, Ed, remember what I said. If the person asks who we are you say I'm your daddy. Got it?"

"You're my daddy."

"Yeah, that's good."

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

"That's fine, Ed."

"Oh Daddy!"

"Ed…I said that's fine damn it!"

A guard was standing stationary inside the building.

The guard said, "You may not proceed."

"My daughter just wants to see her brother one last time." Jet pleaded.

"Wait, your daughter? That's really a girl?" He pointed at Ed.

"Yes, why wouldn't she be a girl?"

"Um, never mind…just go on in."

* * *

Spike was talking to a monitor. It was Doctor Londes. 

_Television is the cause for all mayhem in the world…well worlds. It must be destroyed along with human existence. _

Spike was not impressed. "You're just a kid; a kid who went into a comma several years ago. You shouldn't be thinking that deep."

_You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. _

"Cut the shit! Your cover has been blown. This is all the work of some kid's dream."

Spike began to shoot at the monitors. He smiled which made Dr. Londes perplexed.

_Why are you so amused? Wait…no…I'm fading. This can't be happening. No! I don't want to go. I want all the people of the world to perish from giving cheap blowjobs for Crack. NOOOO! _

The image on monitor faded. Dr. Londes could no longer be seen or heard.

* * *

Jet and Ed were standing next to a hospital bed. A young boy lied comatose on the bed. 

"So it was all some kid's fantasy. Ronny Spange was a hacker. You're not a hacker anymore though. Nope, you're a fuckin' con artist."

Jet slapped hand-cuffs on his limp wrists.

* * *

Back in the rundown building filled with monitors, Faye awakened. Spike smiled at her in her vulnerable state. 

Faye looked up at Spike. "Oh, hey Spike." She looked around. "Um, where am I?"

Spike laughed and said, "It's a long story."

**Author's Note: Looks like this story will be coming to its' conclusion soon. I'm so mean to Jet, but you'll have to deal with it. It only gets worse from here folks. **


	15. Blues for Fools

**Disclaimer: Don't let your cheese get moldy and don't forget that I own nada. **

Somewhere…in the Red Dragon Headquarters Vicious lied in a chamber. Several men approached him.

"Vicious…" The first man said. "What a fool you are! How can you honestly believe that you would have been able to control a whole syndicate?"

A second man replied, "Poor Vicious; poor, poor Vicious. Look at what you have gotten yourself into."

No reply.

"No seriously, look at the pile of crap your laying in!"

"Ugh, just kill me already. Make it quick and painless." Vicious demanded.

The first man laughed, "No. You can not decide your own fate. That privilege has been taken away from you. Once we are done spanking—I mean humiliating you then you may get what you desire."

* * *

Vicious cocked an eyebrow. "Sounds kinky, when do we start?" 

Meanwhile, Jet and Spike sat at a counter of a bar.

Jet lowered his head for fear that Spike might see him cry. "So, you're leaving huh?"

"I have to…I have to find Julia. It's the only way I'll ever be happy and get laid again." Spike answered.

People from the Red Dragon syndicate started firing shots.

"Spike, if I didn't no any better I'd say they were trying to hit us."

"…Did I ever mention I hate you?" Spike Started to fire back. But all of them missed terribly. "I don't got the same aim I used to."

"Tell me about. I tried to go to the bathroom the other day and I got piss all over the floor."

"…That wasn't what I was talking about!" Spike dodged several shots before shooting back again. "Well?"

"Oh here you go." Jet handed him some tequila.

"No! Help me shoot!"

"Okay!" Jet started to fire at the Red Dragon and with one shot killed them all.

"Um, what the fuck!"

"I've been practicing."

Suddenly, a man named Shin entered the ransacked bar. He looked strikingly like Lin, who was his twin brother. "Hey, I'm Shin. I was gonna help you fight them off, but I see you've got everything taken care of."

"Yeah, I totally pistol whipped all of em'." Spike said.

Jet shook his head with amusement.

"What brings you here?" Spike asked.

"Vicious is gonna be executed and Julia might be in trouble as well."

"Who?"

"For goodness sake; the girl that's gonna get your ass killed by the end of the story!" Jet and Shin yelled in unison.

"Oh…well…does she have big knockers?"

"Yes, very nice ones too I might add." Shin replied.

Spike cocked his gun. "What the hell did you just say about my Julia!"

"Well…I…you asked…nothing. I said nothing."

"That's what I thought. Come on Jet, let's get out of here."

"I can't, I think someone shot me in the ass."

"Alright, when we get home we'll rub some Vaseline on it and it'll be all better. Bye, Shin, I owe you one!" Spike and Jet left the bar.

"The coast is clear." Shin took out a picture of Julia and started to lick it. "My dear, sweet Julia."

* * *

Spike started to call Faye. The phone ringed. Faye picked up. 

"Hello?" Faye answered.

"Hey, ho! Look, I want you to get your body back to da Bebop immediately. Do I make myself clear young lady, or do you need a spanking to confirm this?"

"No. I'm good bedsides I'm still sore a little from yesterday…"

"Alright, whatever just get to da Bebop!"

"What? Why? Don't tell me what to do!"

"I didn't tell you what you think I told you what to do."

"What?"

"What…what?"

"Homo says what?"

"What?"

"Hahahahaha…everyone point and laugh!" Faye hung up the phone. "Who does he think he is? No one tells me what to do, or how many monkeys I'm allowed to have." Faye sighed as she looked up at the cloudy skies. Then looked down again at Fred…the monkey. "Come on, Fred, let's go keeps Jet some company."

**Authors Note: The Reak Folk Blues Parody will be continued. I was lazy to finish part 1 so I will do it later. Until then... -virtual hugs-**


	16. Blues for Fools Part Deux

**Author's Note: **Konichiwa bitches! I took a break for a little while and now I'm back. This means you guys have to put up with me for one more chapter! Okay then folks, the conclusion of Da Bebop.

_(Narrator): In a cemetery, Spike is seen talking to his love, Julia. Someone kill me, please._

Julia's tears formed down her face as she paused for a brief moment then spoke once again. "It's not my fault… it was raining on that day."

"Is it the rain's fault that you're standing on my foot?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." She lifted her foot off of his.

"Look, Jessica—"

"Julia."

"That too. Look, I know you were in danger, but everything could have changed for you, me, the monkey, everyone. Don't you understand, Julia?" Spike grabbed unto her raincoat and held on tightly."

"You said you loved me, Spike! You never even wrote to me!"

"I wrote you every day for a year."

"…Isn't that from The Notebook?"

"Dear, girl, please shut up. I'm trying to be romantic. So, ho you gonna come with or not cause I gots to go."

"If you promise to protect me and take me away from this world. Do you promise, Spike?"

"Yeah, okay as long as you don't get shot or nothing."

* * *

_At Da Bebop, Faye and Jet are seen conversing._

"Whatcha up to?" Faye asked.

"What's it to you?"

"Hmm, I hope you know your stupid fro friend ran off again."

"Uh huh, probably to meet up with Julia."

"Ah, whatever! I could care less if he runs away with her, but he didn't have to take my monkey with him."

"Yeah, right jealous much?"

"Well, whatever, he just better not get his ass killed."

"Speaking of ass; dinner is ready!"

* * *

"Where are we going?" Julia asked. 

"To go see a friend of mine, Annie, she'll help us out." Spike responded.

"Oh."

Spike continued, "Although when we get there she'll already been half dead."

"Oh…"

"I bet it'll been painful as hell. Probably not as painful as that time Jet and I got really drunk—"

"Oh my God!"

"One thing lead to another—"

"Spike! What the hell!"

A bullet shattered the glass of Julia's car window.

"…My car..."

"Holy shit, I'm sorry I should have turned the safety on."

Another bullet pierced through a different window.

"Stop destroying my car!"

"It wasn't me that time…damn it they're already here."

Spike rushed into the store and headed straight towards Annie, who was in horrible condition.

"Spike," Annie whispered, "You came; I didn't think you'd come."

"Ofcourse I came you silly, willy, old lady. You got booze and guns."

"They left already, you got here too late."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I'm wearing a thong."

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"I didn't tell them anything, Spike. They tried and they tried, but I wouldn't budge. They even tickled me with the feather."

"No. Not the feather!" Spike tried hard to fight back the tears forming in his eyes.

"You have to stop them. You must stop, Vicious."

"I—I promise."

"Kay, I have to go now see ya never, loser."

Annie fell in to a deep and fatal sleep. Spike exited her ransacked shop and got in Julia's car.

Julia looked at Spike with hurtful eyes, "You want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, I like when we do the doggie position."

"No, not that…I meant—nevermind."

* * *

_Somewhere on Spike's home planet, Mars, Jet is seen talking to Laughing Bull._

"Do you know where Spike is?" Jet questioned.

"The stars point to the north. Go towards the north young one. Whoooa Nelly!"

"Your horse?"

"No, the rapper. I love Nelly. This my shit!"

Laughing Bull turned the volume on his radio up.

"Bull, would you please tell me where Spike is?"

"Match maker, match maker, make me a match. Catch me a catch."

"Shut up!"

"Never fear death. Death is inevitable."

"Don't speak to me about death."

* * *

_Back at Annie's store, the sounds of guns surround the atmosphere._

Julia looked out the window. "They're waiting out there for us, Spike."

Spike opened a cabinet and pulled out some weapons. "That's why we'll be ready when they come."

"I have a bad feeling about this. My stomach is hurting so much!"

"Look, I know you're afraid, but I promise I won't let anything happen to you. This isn't over yet."

"No. I really need to go to the bathroom. I need to do number 2."

"What!" A look of disgust formed on his face.

"I really need to poop."

"No. I know what number 2 is, but why didn't you go before we left?"

"I didn't have to go then."

"…Do you realize I hate you right now?"

A chair smashed through the window where Spike and Julia were standing at.

Spike shouted, "Shit, there throwing chairs now!"

"I wonder where they got it from. I mean it's pretty random."

"Will you please shut the hell up! Come on!"

Spike grabbed and pulled her outside. He fired his gun at several syndicate members waiting to ambush them. Julia fired her weapon, taking out two more goons. They made their way towards Julia's car, but it exploded up in the air. Julia became still and stared at the sight.

"Oh, pretty fire." Julia was fixated.

"Julia, look out!"

A bullet pierced through Julia's skin making her fall slowly to the ground.

"No! Julia!" Spike yelled once more.

"Hey, why the hell is she falling in slow motion?" The goon said.

Spike punched the goon, knocking him out.

"I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, bitch!"

Spike ran towards her nearly lifeless body.

"Sp—Spike…" She whispered faintly.

"Shh, don't say anything. Save your breath."

"I'm sorry I disappointed you, Spike, I wish we could have done the doggie style position you always wanted to do."

For a moment of bliss, Spike held her in his arms one last time as she took her final breath.

"I know, baby, I know."

* * *

_Back at Da Bebop for one final time…thank God, I can go home soon._

Jet was sleeping on the couch and he awoke to find Spike standing in front of him.

"It's you, what are you doing back uh … so soon?"

"I'm hungry. Got anything to eat?"

"Yeah, yeah! I'll get you something in a jiffy. Just hold on."

Jet went into the kitchen and came out the kitchen about 10 minutes later. He handed Spike a platter of bell peppers and beef.

"Same crap again…whoopdie doo."

"If you don't like my crap—uh food then don't eat it."

"Actually, I think your crap would taste better than this shit."

"No. I made sure I didn't wash my hands before making it. And I took a big dump this morning. It felt good."

"I'm sure. No wonder this taste like ass."

"You're welcome."

"I didn't say thank you."

"I love you too."

"…You wanna fuck?"

"Please."

Spike got up and placed his dinner on the table.

"Lemme take a shit first."

"Okay, I'm gonna slip into something sexy."

"…Please…don't."

Spike headed toward the restroom, but Faye was blocking the doorway.

"Get outta the way, Faye."

"No. I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I refuse for it to happen that way."

"Let me tell you something I once told a little boy in a warehouse. Look at my eyes; one of them is fake because I lost in a gun fight. The other is real. I see the past in one eye and the present in the other. I don't want to be stuck trying to find some sort of reality. I wanna find some sense of realism and truth. Faye, you're drooling."

"What? Oh. Spike, I don't want you too leave!"

"All my life, I thought I've been watching a dream, but I see now that I was severely wrong."

Faye lifted her gun up to the ceiling and started shooting it. Eventually, she stopped when she ran out of bullets.

Spike smiled that sly smile of his. "Stop being such a drama queen. If you'll excuse me, I have to use the crapper."

* * *

_At Annie's store, Vicious stands lurking around the nearly devastated area._

A Red syndicate member handed Vicious Julia's raincoat.

"Her coat, Sir, and I found this inside it."

He also handed him a passport.

Vicious smiled deviously. "There's no way of him escaping this planet now. He will have to come back for it and when he does we'll be waiting."

* * *

_At the Red Syndicate headquarters._

Spike made his way up to the top of the headquarters; killing goons along the way. He met up with Shin.

"Shin, where's Vicious?"

"He's on top. The top floor I mean. I would never engage in any homosexual interactions."

"Sure. Thanks!"

Spike moved his way to the top floor hastily. He entered a room, or chamber rather that was almost completely dark. The only light it seemed to be getting was emitting from the moon and stars. A huge part of the ceiling was blown away. It allowed for the light to seep in. Vicious appeared from out of the darkness.

"I have been awaiting this day for a while now." Spike stated.

"I'm the only one who can give you what you want."

"Great, so let's play monopoly then!" Spike pulled out a board game. "What piece do you want to be?"

"No. Spike I planned something else."

"Charades?"

Vicious pulled out his sword. (The other one pervs.)

"Something else other then what you previously stated."

Spike took out his gun.

"Interesting. I think I know."

Vicious came toward Spike furiously and stabbed him in his heart. A gun shot was heard. And then…Vicious fell.

The chamber doors opened and Spike walked down the steps slowly; a trail of blood following. Syndicate members stood at the bottom of the stairs; looking at Spike in sheer awe.

Spike collapsed on to the ground and looked up at them. He pointed his finger up into the air and said, "Thank you for watching please leave the aisles in an orderly fashion. And don't forget this has been a Twisted Discourse production." Spike's head hit the ground.

_Somewhere, at some point. Faye is seen at the same cemetery Spike and Julia met at. _

Faye stood at Spike's tombstone and placed flowers at his grave. She glanced at the tombstone. It read: I died bravely and all I got was this stupid gravestone.


End file.
